Chuckles the Clown

You can feel the panic in these final few videos. College was probably only weeks away. Friends were departing. There was hardly anyone left to put in front of the camera. The result was improvisational garbage like this that was more about my need to keep the tape rolling than it was anything else. The sole impetus for this was that I had come into possession of a clown outfit. (What, such things never happened to you?)

I just deleted a bunch of text about how bad this movie is and I'll tell you why. Yeah, sure, this is one painful flick. My accent is something that should be hunted down and killed. I barely knew what a documentary was, much less a mockumentary. But at the end of the day, this was probably the only Danman Production that revolved around a character rather than a plot of irretrievable complexity. Good effort, me.

This was prized in Danman lore for one reason: that basketball shot. Holy crap. I was supposed to miss. Yet somehow I sunk it. Jami's still smarting from it, I guarantee you.

Merry Christmas

During the latter days of Danman Productions, I was a subscriber to Movieline. There wasn't much in the way of video stores in my town, and it fell to this mag to open up to me the world of cinema. It was where I first heard of Quentin Tarantino, for example, which then led to Harvest of Wrath. An unfortunate chain of events, I realize, but still.

So it is with some sense of wonder that I report that Movieline has named my movie Musician one of the "7 Masterpieces of the '00s You've Likely Never Seen." Thanks for the Christmas gift, Movieline. You've made that nerdy teen dorking around with his video camera back in the 1990s very happy.

Evening of Fear

When I pillaged my dad's basement looking for mythic Danman oddities, I was shocked (and then, after I watched it, appalled) to find the single extant copy of Evening of Fear. It is hands-down the most embarrassing footage of me in existence. Yes, even more embarrassing than this. And that. And let's not forget that.

With college just a couple months off, Danman Productions was within its death throes. Desperate to milk every last bit of local fame, I decided to give my public access station an extra-special gift: my newest movie and three of my "classics" strung together with little introductions featuring me doing my best Rod Serling. Sadly, my best Rod Serling involved sunglasses and green pleated parachute pants.

(See the ultra-rare promotional flier here.)

If you are batshit insane and wish to recreate the entire Evening of Fear experience, it's easy! Just watch the following films when you receive the on-screen cues:

Harvest of Wrath (this was the "world premiere" of this "suspense" picture)
The Bastard Chicken Clock from Hell (a "brief little excursion into the bizarre")
Night of the Living Dead (an "oldie but a goodie")
Fear ("the movie that put Danman Productions on the map"--yes, I actually said that)

Nothing you say can hurt me because I have magical pants.

Trailers X

As I explained earlier, it was no less than a miracle to uncover this long-lost artifact. And what a find! The first three groups of trailers can't hold a candle to the disturbing goings-on found in these precious five minutes.

First up: the infamous General Foods International Coffee commercial. Because I found this footage on a raw tape, we get bonus bloopers of me cracking up that normally would've been cut out. The dippy concept, the icky sexual overtones, Joe's god-awful crooning--this just might be one of the greatest things ever created by a mammal.

Next: The Ping-Pong Kid. Following our offensive portrayals of Mexicans, Jamaicans, Italians, Vietnam vets, literary agents, and country folk, finally we get around to... Asians, I guess? (Oh wait, we already did that, too.)

Finally: Richard Simmons' 120-Minute Workout. I have no memory whatsoever of making this, which is a shame, because it's genius so pure I should cut it up and sell it in baggies.

I've tried to create this blog chronologically, but in truth I'm not sure when this was shot (hence the "X"). From the looks of me, though, it was probably in the summer before I went off to college, near the very end of Danman's reign. And things got weird near the end. Stay tuned.