Trailers #3

Give me some credit. Even as a teen, I knew I had a future cult hero in Joe. His train-wreck performances quickly became the stuff of legend. White Lightning was a movie purported to be written and directed by Joe, and the joke is that he was as unflaggingly inept a filmmaker as he was an actor. Me making a joke about shoddy filmmaking? We can only hope I was in on the punchline. (Let's also take a moment to thank Joe for his sense of humor about all of this.)

Love Never Dies is next, a sweeping melodrama set to the tune of Gone with the Wind. Just like White Lightning, this co-stars my mom. While her surprise cameos are understandably poignant for me, they're also pretty hilarious - her nonplussed expression when Joe abandons her is priceless. With their equally wooden countenances, she and Joe were truly the perfect on-screen couple.

And then something totally bizarre: the preview cuts away to me as Peter Jennings, relating a news story of Admiral James Stockdale opening fire at a local Wal-mart. Political satire? Seriously? I couldn't tell you, because I have no memory of making this.

Lastly we have Croc-Face. Aside from a lame Fear in-joke, I can't make heads or tails of this one. Fake arms? Dental floss? Believe me, I wish I knew, because I'm sure my future therapist will ask.