Fear

By this point, Danman Productions had become infamous within my circle of friends. Yet I hungered for wider appreciation. Thus, my first "original" story and my first epic: Fear. I was swinging for the fences now. We weren't playing zombies or mad scientists. We were giving "performances." Fear ultimately screened in my high-school English class. Fame was mine.

Fear is about how a mop-wigged, voodoo-practicing Jamaican stereotype (named "Freedom Jones") summons an evil ghost (named "Tyler Fearless") who turns nice-guy Joe into murderous freak. Both Freedom and Fearless were played by my pal Jami. This being Jami's first Danman Production, I exploited him for all he was worth.

Any movie revolving around Joe's descent into madness is bound to be hilarious, and in that regard, Fear does not disappoint. But Joe's emotionless screams and psychotic glares are the obvious payoffs. Far more inexplicably bizarre are the getting-a-can-of-Coke and preparing-some-instant-coffee scenes. Watching these numbing procedurals, you are forced to repeat to yourself, It's only a movie, it's only a movie...

As always, the music selection is the most baffling element, segueing uncomfortably from "Carmina Burana" to the Beatles to Twin Peaks to Don McLean to gangster rap to Phantom of the Opera to Guns n Roses. Say hello to the mix tape from hell.